I've never observed and experienced something so painful and scary turn into something so beautiful and awe-inspiring.
When I woke up this morning, I realized that I already had over $1,000 in cancer treatment donations from friends and family members, and I was moved to tears. For most of my life, I've been an activist for various causes, and it's always been natural for me to champion a particular group's fight for justice. When my sister and I were working to create an online place for loved ones to give towards my medical expenses, it felt like we were planning for someone else (typical INFJ that I am, I just can't tolerate the spotlight). I was distracted from my diagnosis because I was focused on a goal and on spreading awareness. It wasn't about me.
But then when I awoke to messages of compassion and concern, an outpouring of notes on Facebook and e-mails in my inbox, plus everyone's generous financial gifts, it hit me that all this is about me. And I realize that it's actually about God, and my family, and a variety of people touched by my life in different ways, but it was the no-strings-attached rallying on my behalf that made me feel more loved than I probably ever have before.
I am reminded that He is with me and for me. He surrounds me, front and back. He places His hand upon me. This unconditional love and rooting for my healing is the tiniest reflection of the depth and extravagance of the love He holds for us. To contemplate that fact boggles my mind. These gifts are from Him, this love is of Him. And so in spite of this past week being one of the hardest of my life, my being forced to rely on the profound love of those around me makes me more aware of Him, and at the end of the day there is nothing more I could want.
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