But You're So Young

If I had a quarter for every time someone exclaimed those words to me, I'd be a rich woman: "But you're so young!"

People are frequently astonished by the number of doctors appointments I've had, tens of thousands of dollars I've spent, and variety of specialists I've seen during the past five years.

Endocrinologists, gastroenterologists, naturopaths, orthopedic surgeons, neurologists, otolaryngologists, gynecologists.

Today I had a marathon of doctors appointments, from 8AM until 5PM.  I was told two important things: I'm special and I'm so young.  I suppose the two go hand-in-hand.  My body is so young that my chronic illnesses make it "special," and I am special so I was bequeathed the duty of bearing these chronic illnesses.

Hashimoto's thyroiditis.  Faulty thyroid.

PCOS.  Faulty ovaries.

Insulin resistance.  Faulty cells.

Meralgia paraesthetica.  Faulty nerves.

Chondromalacia patella.  Faulty bones.

Small intestinal bacterial overgrowth (yet to be diagnosed). Faulty digestive tract (I'll spare the details).

Chronic otitis media. Faulty ear canals (and faulty earwax).

And, for those reasons, today the neurologist's physician assistant proclaimed, "But you're so young!"

I returned home from my appointments feeling a little blue.  It's difficult not to be overwhelmed and sinking in a mire of self-pity when you're thrown orthotics and leg braces and physical therapy prescriptions and nerve tests and ear-canal suctioning and advisement to lose weight; when you're told your "special" ears (the doctor's words, not mine) require regular cleaning treatments and that you'll likely require knee replacement surgery in the future and that there's a 30% chance you'll never regain feeling in your thigh due to nerve damage.  After all that, you begin to share in the PA's sentiments--but I'm so young!

Every part of my body is affected, from top to bottom.  There is some faulty part of me in every section of my anatomy.  When you think of all those faulty bits, the distinction between faulty components and faulty whole becomes blurred.  I feel faulty.  I am faulty.

The one ray of hope that shone through the dark cloud of my brooding was a recollection of Paul the Apostle's words: "So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

Reflecting upon those words now, they bring tears to my eyes.  Yes; my outer self is wasting away.  Yes; I face affliction.  But, as my body undergoes treatments and receives diagnoses and becomes more and more faulty, my spirit is being made more whole.  I am being conformed more and more to His likeness.  My suffering is actually light and momentary.

"The eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."  Those are words I want to cling to on days like today.  The eternal weight of glory.  The burden of my illnesses feels much lighter knowing how much weightier the coming glory will be.

My body is transient and temporal.  His purposes are eternal.